Life has a way of nudging us into change…sometimes gently, other times like a full-blown storm.

Whether it's a career pivot, a shift in identity, a relationship ending, or stepping into motherhood, these moments of transition can feel disorienting. Not quite the old version of ourselves anymore, but not yet someone new, we float in the in-between.

If you’ve ever felt like you're unraveling or questioning everything during a big life shift, you're not broken. You’re just becoming. I know, it’s cliche but we have to share it because it’s an integral part of the human journey.

What’s Really Happening During a Life Transition?

Psychologically speaking, transitions affect our sense of identity, safety, and belonging.

According to Dr. Nancy Schlossberg, a counseling psychologist who pioneered research on life transitions, a transition is any event or non-event that results in a change in assumptions about oneself and the world, requiring a corresponding change in behavior or relationships (Schlossberg, 1981). In other words…life shakes your internal snow globe.

These changes, whether planned or unexpected, activate a kind of internal reorganization. Your brain and nervous system are wired to seek patterns and certainty, so when your external reality shifts, your internal world scrambles to adapt.

Why We Doubt Ourselves

During transitions, our confidence often dips. That’s because the "roles" we once played (the job title, the relationship, the routine) acted like anchors. When they’re removed, we feel adrift.

Psychologists call this "identity discontinuity" — the temporary disconnect between who we were and who we are becoming.

Even positive transitions (like starting a dream business or becoming a parent) can trigger this emotional limbo. Why? Because the unfamiliar, no matter how good, still feels unsafe to the part of us wired for predictability.

Signs You’re in the Messy Middle

You feel emotionally tender, sometimes for no clear reason
You’re craving control, clarity, or something to “fix”
You cycle between motivation and fatigue
You question your choices, your worth, or your path
You’re letting go of old ways but don’t yet know what will replace them

How to Be Gentle With Yourself in Transition

Name it. Just recognizing you're in transition brings awareness and compassion.
Create grounding rituals. Daily habits can help you feel anchored, even when everything feels new.
Talk about it. Sharing your experience (even if messy) helps normalize the discomfort and builds connection.
Allow the unknown. You don’t need to rush the next chapter. This space is sacred, too.

You Are Not Lost

This isn’t the end of the road. It’s the part where the soil is stirred before something beautiful breaks through. If you’re feeling uncertain, sensitive, or “off,” it doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re changing.

Let yourself be held by the truth that growth is often quiet and invisible before it becomes real.

You're not alone in the limbo. You're just in the middle of your metamorphosis.

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📚 Interested in the science?

Schlossberg, N. K. (1981). A model for analyzing human adaptation to transition. The Counseling Psychologist, 9(2), 2–18. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/001100008100900202

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