If there’s one thing I didn’t expect in my personal growth journey, it’s the confusing, shapeless middle…the part where I’m not who I was, but not yet who I’m becoming. It’s a space that feels foggy. Untethered. Kind of like standing in a hallway between two doors…one I’ve closed, and one I’m still trying to open.

This gray area?
It’s uncomfortable.
But it’s also where the magic of becoming happens.

Let’s Talk About Change and Why It’s So Hard

Change sounds beautiful in theory…like becoming more aligned, more ourselves, more authentic. But the truth is, change usually starts with loss. Letting go. Unbecoming.

And that’s where the psychology of habits really comes in.

When we’ve spent years thinking, reacting, and operating in certain ways…especially for survival, validation, or identity—those behaviors become deeply rooted neural patterns. According to Lally et al. (2009), it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit, and often longer when breaking one that’s tied to emotional comfort.

Habits aren’t just routines. They’re ways we’ve learned to cope, protect, and belong.

Psychologist Wendy Wood (2017) explains that about 43% of our daily behavior is habit-based, not decision-based. That means when we’re trying to “grow,” we’re not just choosing new paths…we’re literally rewiring how we move through life. That’s huge.

And it’s not supposed to be easy.

The Gray Area of Unbecoming

For me, the hardest part of growth wasn’t deciding who I wanted to be.

It was choosing to let go of the version of myself I had spent years perfecting.

The version that overworked to prove she was capable.
The version that said yes when she wanted to say no.
The version that didn’t rock the boat…even when the boat was sinking.

Sitting in the gray is terrifying because it feels like identity-loss.
You start to wonder:

Who am I without that role, that relationship, that rhythm?
What if this new path doesn’t work out?
What if I end up alone, or wrong, or broke?

But this gray space, as scary as it is, is sacred.

It’s where we shed.
Where we unlearn.
Where we reimagine.

What the Uncomfortable Areas of Growth Really Mean

Growth doesn’t always feel like rising. Sometimes, it feels like crumbling.
And I’ve learned that’s not a failure…it’s a form of rebirth.

Here are three things discomfort has taught me:

1. Discomfort is Evidence of Expansion

When your current life no longer fits the person you’re becoming, things feel tight. Like your soul is growing out of its old clothes. That discomfort is not a sign to retreat, it’s a nudge that you're making space for something bigger.

2. Grief is Part of Growth

You’ll mourn versions of yourself, even the ones you outgrew. That’s okay. You don’t need to hate who you were to become someone new. Honor her. Thank her. And gently let her go.

3. Certainty is Overrated

We’ve been taught to crave clarity before taking action. But real growth? It often starts with a blurry step forward. Sitting in the gray teaches you to trust your intuition more than your timeline.

The Invitation of the Gray

If you’re in the gray right now…in that wobbly, weird, unsure phase…I just want you to know: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.

You’re allowed to be tired of holding on and scared to let go.
You’re allowed to feel both brave and confused.
You’re allowed to miss the comfort of the old while desiring the promise of the new.

This space doesn’t have to be rushed through.

In fact, the gray is not a pause…it’s the process.

Let it be sacred.

Let it shape you.

You’re doing better than you think.

References:

Lally, P., Van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998–1009. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674
Wood, W. (2017). Habit in Personality and Social Psychology. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 21(4), 389–403. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868317720362