A few years ago, I was published in Wellbeing Magazine, vulnerably sharing a part of my story I never thought I’d tell…the shift from “I don’t want children” to becoming a mother.

It wasn’t a sudden flip of a switch. It was more like a gentle unfolding. A slow unraveling of the beliefs I held about what it meant to raise a child, to be a woman, to carry life…while still holding onto myself.

Back then, I couldn’t see how motherhood would become the very thing that reintroduced me to me.

A New Lens on Life

Before children, I was focused…sharp even. Career-driven, achievement-oriented, moving from one goal to the next with barely a pause. I was proud of my independence. But I was also holding a lot of silent pain… stories from childhood, fears about failure, and a quiet grief I didn’t have the language for.

Then I met my partner. The kind of love that felt safe enough to imagine more.

And from that love, a family began to form.

Motherhood cracked me open. It gave me a new lens. One not blurred by past wounds, but softened by innocence and curiosity. I started to see the world again…not through performance and perfection, but through the eyes of my child - wide with wonder, and full of awe.

A New Definition of Success

Professionally, motherhood disrupted everything I thought I needed to be.

Suddenly, I wasn’t chasing titles or revenue milestones, I was craving depth. Meaning. Alignment.

The work I wanted to do had to feel like it mattered. I didn’t want to just check boxes anymore. I wanted to create things that my child could be proud of, things that reflected who I was becoming…not just what I could produce.

For a while, that meant stepping back, feeling lost, and grieving the version of myself I had built my entire identity around. But in that in-between space, I found clarity.

Learning to Hold Both

Motherhood taught me to live in duality. To hold exhaustion and joy in the same breath. To feel deep love and deep resentment in the same moment. To crave freedom and also not want to miss a single second.

I used to think contradictions meant confusion. But now, I know they just mean you’re alive.

I’ve never been more stretched, or more grounded. I’ve never felt so much doubt, or so much knowing.

The mirror that motherhood holds up isn’t always gentle, but it is always honest.

The Return to Innocence

Spiritually, motherhood brought me home.

It made me question everything I had once believed with certainty. It stirred something ancient in me, something that whispered, “Trust life again.”

When I saw my child explore the world, forgive quickly, and imagine freely, I realized I had buried those parts of myself long ago. And suddenly, I wanted them back.

I started to unlearn the stories that said I had to earn love. I started to explore softness again. I let go of the armor. Not all at once…but slowly. Tenderly.

I stopped seeking divinity in perfection and started finding it in everyday moments…muddy hands, early morning cuddles, whispered prayers between chaos.

The Psychology Behind It All

Research supports this shift, too. Psychologists have long studied the way motherhood reshapes the brain and our sense of self. A study published in Nature Neuroscience found that pregnancy and early motherhood reduce gray matter in areas of the brain associated with social cognition and empathy…not as a loss, but as a refinement. The brain becomes more attuned to emotional nuance, intuition, and long-term thinking (Hoekzema et al., 2017).

In simpler terms? We become more tuned in…not just to our children, but to life itself.

Motherhood doesn’t strip us of who we were. It reconfigures us, molding our identity around something much deeper. Something ancestral. Something spiritual.

Becoming, Still

I didn’t expect to become a mother.

But I also didn’t expect to become more myself in the process.

I’m still becoming. Still learning. Still softening.

But now, I know motherhood didn’t take me away from who I was. It brought me home.

📚 Interested in the Science?

Hoekzema, E., Barba-Müller, E., Pozzobon, C., Picado, M., Lucco, F., García-García, D., ... & Vilarroya, O. (2017). Pregnancy leads to long-lasting changes in human brain structure. Nature Neuroscience, 20(2), 287–296. https://doi.org/10.1038/nn.4458