How Perspective Evolves with Time and Why That’s a Good Thing
By a woman who's still figuring it all out (and proud of it)
There’s something both comforting and wildly unsettling about looking back and realizing, “Wow—I don’t see that the same way anymore.”
Whether it’s a past relationship you once romanticized, a job you thought you’d stay in forever, or even just a moment you were so sure you were right… hindsight has a way of humbling us. And honestly? That’s kind of the point.
We live in a culture that romanticizes certainty. We glorify confidence, decisiveness, and having a clear stance. But what if the real power is in being open to change?
Our Minds Are Wired to Evolve
As we grow, our brains don’t just mature biologically—they also expand psychologically. Neuroscience shows that our brains are plastic, meaning they’re capable of changing and adapting based on new experiences and information. This idea, known as neuroplasticity, explains why we can learn, unlearn, and shift our beliefs over time.
According to a study published in Psychological Science, people often underestimate how much their values, preferences, and even personalities will change in the future. Researchers dubbed this the “end of history illusion,” where we believe we’ve reached the person we’re meant to be—only to realize, years later, we were still mid-transition (Quoidbach, Gilbert, & Wilson, 2013).
So yes, if you’ve ever looked back and thought, “What was I thinking?”—you’re not broken. You’re growing.
Grace for Who You Were
One of the most healing things I’ve learned in my 30s is this, “I can love the girl I was, even if I wouldn’t make the same choices she did.”
We often talk about healing as “getting better,” but sometimes it’s about simply acknowledging that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time. Our past selves were operating from the information, maturity, and emotional resources we had available.
That decision that now feels naive? It probably made sense then.
That relationship that drained you? It may have been the only kind of love you knew how to accept.
Giving yourself grace isn’t about denying the pain or pretending everything was perfect—it’s about understanding the journey and allowing room for growth without shame.
Being Rooted and Flexible
In a world that demands opinions, it’s easy to feel like you need to pick a side and defend it forever. But real maturity is being willing to say: “This is how I feel right now, but I’m open to evolving.”
It’s a powerful thing to have convictions—but even more powerful to hold them loosely enough to allow new wisdom in.
I’ve learned that flexibility in thinking isn’t a weakness. It’s actually a sign of emotional intelligence. In fact, the American Psychological Association notes that cognitive flexibility—the mental ability to switch between thinking about two different concepts—is associated with better problem-solving, resilience, and interpersonal relationships.
So no, you don’t have to have it all figured out. And yes, it’s okay if you change your mind tomorrow.
In Transition, You’re Not Lost—You’re Becoming
If you’re in between careers, relationships, beliefs, or identities right now—I see you. It’s disorienting to not know what’s next. But here’s the truth: change isn’t the opposite of stability. It’s the evidence of life.
We are allowed to be women in motion. We are allowed to outgrow ideas, people, and even parts of ourselves.
The version of you today may hold different dreams than the one five years ago—and that doesn’t make either one less valid. It just means you’re still becoming.
So take the pressure off. Let yourself shift. Celebrate your evolution. And most importantly, extend grace to every version of yourself along the way.
Because change doesn’t mean you were wrong—it means you’re alive.
Reference:
Quoidbach, J., Gilbert, D. T., & Wilson, T. D. (2013). The end of history illusion. Psychological Science, 24(1), 96–103. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797612465543
